Motherhood has brought me to my knees more times than I can count–and not just to pick up toys.

There are days I feel patient and present. The house is loud, but happy. I answer questions with gentleness. I laugh at the mess, and I soak it in.

and then there are the other days.

The days when I snap faster than I should. When the baby won’t nap. When my two older boys are arguing CONSTANTLY. When I’m tired before the day even really begins. When I’m struggling with responsibilities and I wonder if I’m even doing any of this right.

Those are the days I pray the hardest.

Not the polished, perfectly worded prayers that you hear in church on Sunday morning.

Just whispers.

“Lord, Help me.”

“Help me be patient when I’m overstimulated.”

“God, fill in the blanks when I fall short.”

“Make me the mother they need.”

I’ve learned that parenting isn’t about having all the right answers. It’s about surrender. It’s about trusting that God loves my children more than I do. It’s about understanding that I am raising souls–little hearts that are watching how I respond, how I forgive and how I love.

Prayer changes the atmosphere in my home–but more than that it changes me.

When I pray before reacting, I respond softer.

When I pray over their future, my fear quiets.

When I pray at night over them (from my blink camera, because I’m at work) gratitude replaces exhaustion.

I love being a wife. I love being a mom. But there are days when the exhaustion hits heavy. When I feel stretched between my marriage, my kids and my job, and the woman I am trying to become.

There are also days that I am so overwhelmed, so exhausted, so overstimulated that I forget to pray. I forget to ask for help, and I just wallow in my overstimulation. I sit on the couch and cry because I’m so overwhelmed. God sees me on those days too.

So I will keep praying through the parenting–because when I don’t have the strength, he does.

From the middle of motherhood, Cyn.